"Things I’m Pretty Sure I’m Pretty Sure About"

With apologies to Peter King:

• I do Lots of things, even though Some People don’t witness the act. Yes, trees Do make a sound if they fall with no one around, too.
• Drinking beer and watching soccer do not a Single Life make. As Singular as the experience may be.
• Washing dishes once? Enough.
• Closed doors = “Leave Me Alone”
• Jeans and Flip-Flops? Always a Bad Fashion Move. And this is coming from a guy with No Fashion Sense.
• Gray is the new Black. It’s what happens when Black gets Washed a few times.
• The new Against Me! album is much better than the fanboys would have you believe.
• Laina has no idea how many people are in her corner.
• I’m wicked-lovable from Great Distances.
• Insomnia = Sounds more fun than it is!